Win-Win, or No Deal.

 They always say that your first year of marriage is the hardest. While I don't think it's been extremely hard, I WILL say that you definitely learn a LOT about each other....or you should be. I think the first year of marriage is such an important time to learn all that you can about each other, how the other person thinks, and what makes they tick. Because, then you have a solid foundation to work off of from then on! Having said that, me and Ryan are really focusing on our communication. We know that the one thing that will keep us together or apart is how well we communicate. We've seen many examples of this in our own lives, within our own families, so we want to really make this a priority. Fortunately, Ryan is taking a class about the 7 habits of highly effective people. One of those habits happens to be communication! For his class, he is supposed to use what he learns and basically test it out on me. It has been fun, that's for sure. Well, this last week, he came to me and asked if I would watch a slideshow. I did, and holy cow, my eyes were opened for sure. I thought I knew quite a bit about how my husband thinks and acts, but this slideshow proved to me that there is ALWAYS time to learn more. It was about the different attitudes that we adopt in our daily lives, and what the ideal one should be in order to communicate more effectively with those we love. These are the different attitudes on can adopt:

* Lose-Lose: "If I don't get what I want, then you shouldn't either."
*Win: "I'm going to get what I want, no matter what."
*Lose-Win: "Fine, I'll just give you what you want, so we don't have to argue about it."
*Win-Lose: "I get what I want, but it leaves you unsatisfied."
*Win-Win: "We both get what we need."
*Win-Win or No Deal: "We both get what we need, or else we don't do anything at all."

I was really blown away by these attitudes, because I could see exactly how I can be sometimes when I'm not at my best. It really helped me see how important it is to look at someone through their eyes, and try and understand their point of view. Ryan and I are working on the mindset of Win-Win or No Deal. This is where we make plans where the outcome will be a win for both of us, or else we won't make the plan at all. For example, (and this is a really simple one), Ryan is dying to go see the new Batman movie this weekend. I, on the other hand, would rather do a LOT of other things instead. While I could've given in and said, "Sure I'll go", Ryan knew that I would never want to go because of how scared I get. So, he also could've said, "It's fine, I don't need to go." But I knew how he has been counting down the days to see it. So, in order for this to be a win-win situation, we talked it over, and decided that Ryan should go with his guy friends, and that I could make other plans that night with my girlfriends! That way, we are both doing something we love, which makes it a win-win situation!

I'm so happy that we have come upon this new way of looking at things. It has helped me get to know Ryan on a whole new level, and I'm pretty sure he would say the same about me. I hope you can also integrate this into your relationships, whatever those may be. It has really changed our lives!